“When will my luck finally turn?” Ayla experienced the same thing once again. Just when she least expected it, her engagement was called off. This time, it had been so close—only days left until the wedding. Ayla couldn’t believe she was going through this for the third time.
For the first time, she asked herself, “What am I doing wrong?” In the past, she had always blamed the other side and their families. She believed they hid their true selves until the very last moment. To her, people treated you well only until they got what they wanted—they chased you just long enough to cross the bridge. But somehow, after the engagement, they suddenly changed. During the wedding preparations, it felt like she was getting to know the man she was supposed to marry all over again.
“Pınar, I really have a hard time understanding men. Can you believe he ended the engagement over a perfume? How can something so small be the reason for ending a relationship? Can someone leave the person they love over a bottle of perfume—or are we the ones fooling ourselves?”
“Dear Ayla, relationships begin with communication,” her friend replied. “People come together because they believe they can meet each other’s needs. Through communication, they express their strengths; if the other person appreciates those strengths, it turns into a relationship.”
As Ayla listened, she suddenly realized she had been relying mostly on her beauty in the relationship. She would ask for things from the man she was going to marry, and he would do whatever she wanted. If he was late to do so, she would immediately sulk. “Then let’s break up” had been a constant threat on her lips. He did everything she wanted, but Ayla never did anything for him.
Her friend asked, hoping to help her reflect, “After the engagement, what changed in your behavior?”
They had gone gold shopping with their mothers, and Ayla’s mother believed her daughter deserved only the best. They made Murat buy everything Ayla wanted, but Murat’s mother tried to explain that her son would end up in serious debt, and starting a marriage with that burden would make both of them unhappy. From that day on, Murat kept reminding Ayla of this concern. But Ayla insisted, “I’m only getting married once,” and pushed for everything to be top tier.
Ayla had also shown Murat the perfume she wanted for her wedding trousseau. Murat had been delaying this purchase for a while. When they met that day, Ayla wanted to buy it immediately, but Murat made excuses and didn’t enter the mall. Later, while driving home, Ayla brought up the topic again.
“Fine then, just give me your card and I’ll order it online,” she said. At that moment, Murat burst out:
“Don’t you understand, Ayla? There’s a reason I’ve been postponing this for days. You haven’t even tried to understand why I’ve been stressed!”
He said he couldn’t continue anymore, took off his ring, and ended the engagement. In shock and not knowing what to do, Ayla once again found herself at Pınar’s side.
Ayla, when we make decisions in life, reading the signs and clues is so important.”
“So where am I going wrong? What am I missing, Pınar?”
Pınar invited Ayla to a seminar that could help her grow. Blaming the outside world is always the easy option. But when we ask, like Ayla did, “Where am I making a mistake?” we earn the right to find real solutions.
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Experiential Design Teaching is a knowledge community that produces strategies for designing our future based on past experiences.
The "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationships" and "Success Psychology" Seminar Programs offer the needed methods for those who want to be happy and successful in life by solving their problems and achieving their goals.
"There is only one thing in life that can never be discovered; The better one..."
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Yahya Hamurcu
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